Download/View the PDF Here:Talking to Youth about Healthy Relationships booklet
Conversation Guide For Caregivers: Talking to Your Youth About Healthy Relationships
Get Comfy
Bring a sense of warmth, comfort, and normalcy to personal safety conversations
so your child feels comfortable coming to you with questions and concerns.
Anytime is the right time to talk with your child, but it helps to feel calm and relaxed.
Look for opportunities in your daily routine that allow for some privacy, like at bedtime or while driving in the car. Your child may not want to open up about a sensitive topic in a public place. Some youth may even find it easier to start opening up using a parent-child journal where thoughts and ideas can be expressed in writing.
Be ready to respond appropriately if your child tells you about any inappropriate behavior. This includes being non-judgmental with your words or body language while they’re disclosing, asking open-ended questions and ensuring their health and safety take priority.
Best Practices
As a caregiver, you play a pivotal role in shaping how your teen or young adult understands and navigates relationships. Open, honest, and non-judgmental conversations can foster a healthy understanding of relationships, emotional well-being, and mutual respect. This guide is designed to help you have these important conversations with your teens or youth in ways that are supportive and informative.
Why It Matters:
Alberta has consistently reported some of the highest rates of family and intimate partner violence in Canada. While statistics specific to teen dating violence in rural Alberta can be harder to find, overall data on domestic and family violence suggests that rural youth face unique risks and barriers, including limited availability for services, stigma, and geographic isolation.
By starting conversations early and often, parents and caregivers can help teens recognize unhealthy relationship patterns, understand available community supports, and feel empowered to seek help if needed.
Research Shows:
Research shows that healthy relationships are foundational to young people’s mental health and social development. According to studies from the American Psychological Association, teens who engage in positive, respectful relationships are more likely to have higher self-esteem, better academic performance, and healthier long-term relationships in adulthood. They are also less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as substance abuse or violence in relationships.
Adolescents are still developing the skills necessary to maintain healthy relationships, which is why guidance from trusted and informed adults is essential. Early intervention in teaching about healthy relationships has been shown to improve the quality of relationships in the teen years and beyond.
Defining Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships are characterized by mutual respect, open communication, and shared support. These are fundamental aspects of emotional well-being and personal growth.
Mutual Respect and Equality
Healthy relationships involve both partners valuing each other’s opinions, respecting each other’s boundaries, and ensuring that one person’s needs aren’t more important than the other’s. Discuss how equality in decision-making and respect for each other’s autonomy strengthens relationships.
“In any healthy relationship, whether it’s with a friend or partner, respect goes both ways. It’s important that both people feel heard, understood, and valued.”
Trust and Honesty
Emphasize how honesty builds trust in relationships. Trust helps to create a safe space where both individuals feel secure enough to express their needs and desires. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings.
“Being honest with each other is key to building trust. If something is bothering you, it’s always better to talk about it rather than keeping it inside.”
Support and Care
Healthy relationships also involve supporting each other through challenges and celebrating each other’s successes. Talk about how partners should encourage each other’s dreams and personal growth. This can involve goals that can exist together as a couple, or as individuals.
“A good relationship means supporting each other’s dreams and picking each other up when life gets tough. You should always feel encouraged, never held back.”
Promoting Healthy Relationships
Lead by Example
The best way to promote healthy relationships is to model them in your own life. Demonstrating respectful, open, and supportive communication with others, including partners, friends, and family, shows your teen what healthy relationships look like in action.
Encourage Critical Thinking
Encourage your teen to critically reflect on their relationships and ask themselves questions such as: “Does this relationship make me feel good about myself?” “Do I feel safe and respected?” “Do I feel supported in my goals and interests?” If your teen or youth is unsure if the relationship has all of these things, you can ask them if they want support to talk through key points to give them a better understanding of what they may need to work on as individuals or as partners.
Discuss Values and Expectations
Talk about the importance of sharing values, interests, and expectations with their partner. Discuss how relationships should be based on mutual respect and consideration for one another’s emotional and physical boundaries.
Emphasize Emotional Well-being
Healthy relationships should contribute to emotional growth. Encourage your teen to prioritize their emotional well-being and recognize when a relationship might be having a negative impact on their mental health.
Don’t Feel the Need to Be an Expert
You do not need to have all the answers, so allow yourself as a caregiver to let go of that pressure and expectation. If your teen asks a question that you are unsure of how to answer in that moment, you can always say something like, “That is a good question – let me think about it and I will get back to you”. It’s better to press pause and return to the conversation after gathering information than to panic and say something that you were not confident about. You can also use this as an opportunity to find a book, additional resources or an article that will help answer the question.
Seek Support When Needed:
If you are experiencing conflicting beliefs or values between your culture, religion, and your desire to provide preventative education to your child, reach out to professionals such as counsellors for guidance and support. If you need to address your own past experiences of sexual abuse or trauma, reach out for support and guidance from specialized agencies like The Dragonfly Centre. You do not have to face this alone, we are here to support you.
Talking Tips by Age
The way you approach the topic of relationships may vary depending on your teen’s age and maturity level. Here are some talking tips for different age groups:
For Younger Teens (11-14 years old):
Focus on Friendship First
At this stage, most relationships are based on friendships. Emphasize the value of being a good friend and how mutual respect, kindness, and support are the foundations of any relationship.
“At your age, most of what you experience is friendship, and that’s a good place to start. Healthy friendships are all about respect and kindness.”
Simple, Clear Boundaries
Help them understand the importance of personal boundaries in friendships and how to express what they are comfortable with. Use examples they can relate to in their social circles.
“It’s totally okay to say ‘no’ if someone asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Setting clear boundaries is how you take care of yourself.”
Introduce Basic Concepts of Consent
Talk about respecting others’ decisions, whether it’s about sharing personal space or making decisions in a group setting. Reinforce that “no means no,” and talk about how to say “no” in a respectful way when they need to set limits.
“When it comes to physical space, always ask before you touch someone, and expect the same in return. It’s how you show respect for each other’s bodies.”
For Older Teens (15-18 years old):
Encourage Open Communication
This age group is beginning to navigate romantic relationships. Encourage them to have open, honest conversations with their partner about expectations, goals, and boundaries.
“If something’s on your mind or you feel unsure about something in a relationship, talking about it early can prevent a lot of problems later.”
Discuss Emotional and Physical Boundaries
Talk openly about consent and guide your teen in understanding that boundaries are essential for both emotional and physical safety. Discuss how they should feel comfortable to voice concerns and stop something if it feels uncomfortable.
“Being in a relationship is about balance. You should feel supported emotionally but also have space to grow and pursue your own interests.”
Teach Conflict Resolution
Discuss how to handle disagreements respectfully and constructively, emphasizing the importance of listening to the other person and finding common ground.
“No one is perfect, and disagreements will happen. But it’s how you handle them that matters. When you’re upset, try to listen to the other person and express your feelings calmly.”
Recognizing Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics
Help your teen recognize signs of unhealthy or potentially harmful relationships.
Red Flags
Talk about behaviors such as jealousy, controlling actions, constant criticism, or disrespecting boundaries. Discuss how these behaviors can indicate unhealthy dynamics and that they should not be tolerated.
“If someone is constantly controlling your actions, making you feel bad about yourself, or doesn’t respect your boundaries, that’s a red flag. A healthy relationship should never make you feel small or unsafe.”
Toxic Relationships
Explain that toxic relationships drain energy, cause emotional harm, and can affect their self-esteem. Encourage them to trust their instincts and seek support if they ever feel trapped or unsafe.
“A relationship should lift you up, not drain your energy. If you’re feeling worse about yourself after spending time with someone, it might be time to step back.”
Resources and Supports
Ensure your teen knows where to seek support if they feel unsafe or need guidance regarding their relationships. This could be support from their school counsellors, teachers, safe adults and other available community resources.
Alberta ONELiNE for Sexual Violence 1-866-403-8000
Hope for Wellness Helpline 1-855-242-3310 (in Cree, Ojibwe & Inuktitut languages)
Dragonfly 1-866-300-HEAL
KidsHelpPhone 1-800-668-6868
Reassure Your Teen
Let your teen know that you are there to support them. Reaffirm that relationships can be challenging at times, but with the right tools and guidance, they can foster meaningful and respectful connections.
Invite Ongoing Conversations
Encourage your teen to keep talking about their experiences, feelings, and relationships. Acknowledge that this is an ongoing conversation and remind them that you will always be there to listen and guide them.
We are committed to providing resources and support for parents and caregivers to educate and empower children. Together, we can create a safer world for children to grow and thrive.