Flirting can be a fun, lighthearted, and meaningful way to connect with someone. It’s a form of communication that can build attraction and closeness, whether you’re making eye contact across a room, sharing jokes, or expressing romantic interest through text messages. Since the beginning of human relationships flirting has been used as a manner for social bonding, testing compatibility, self-expression and a way to display attraction or interest in another individual. Initially when asked, most would describe flirting as a harmless, innocent social technique used to capture the attention of love interests. However, just like any form of interaction, flirting must center on consent and respect for boundaries.
We have all been there, walking the halls of high school when someone gives you a little extra attention, perhaps a wink or an unsolicited comment on how they like your hair that day. Maybe at work, a co-worker goes out of their way to complete extra favors for you or places their hand at the small of your back when talking to you. These examples suggest they may be interested in you, but have you given consent to receive these flirtatious advances and do you actually want to participate mutually? Is this simply someone being friendly, or could they be sexually harassing you?
At Dragonfly, we understand that conversations about sexual violence prevention often focus on what happens at the extremes of violation. But it’s just as important to talk about how small, everyday interactions, like flirting, can be approached in a way that is safe, affirming, and consensual for everyone involved.
What Is Consent?
Consent is a clear, enthusiastic, and freely given “yes.” It is a continuous conversation that ensures all parties feel comfortable and respected at every step of an interaction. While consent is most commonly discussed in the context of sex or physical intimacy, it’s equally important in non-physical forms of flirting—like verbal banter, compliments, and affectionate gestures.
When flirting, consent can look like:
- Checking if the other person is interested in continuing the conversation (“Is it okay if I message you later?”).
- Pausing to ensure the other person seems comfortable before moving closer physically or stepping into their personal space.
- Asking for permission before offering physical contact, like a hug or a playful touch on the arm (“Would it be okay if I gave you a hug?”).
Signs of Comfortable (and Uncomfortable) Body Language
Consent isn’t always verbal; often, it’s communicated through body language and tone. Paying attention to the other person’s cues can help you gauge their comfort level and interest.
- Positive Signs: Eye contact, open body posture, relaxed facial expressions, leaning in to talk or listen, smiling, laughing, or asking questions back.
- Uncertain or Negative Signs: Lack of response, avoiding eye contact, looking away, crossed arms, forced smiles, turning their body away, or consistently giving short responses.
If you notice signs of discomfort, it’s important to step back and check in:
“I’m sorry, I might have overstepped. Are you comfortable continuing this conversation?”
This gives the other person a chance to express how they really feel.
Respecting a “No”—Verbal or Otherwise
Rejection can be awkward or disappointing, but it’s important to remember that a “no” in any form is the other person’s right. In terms of flirting:
- If someone declines your offer to dance or doesn’t respond positively to your playful teasing or compliment, respect that boundary—no questions asked.
- If a person stops engaging, appears distracted, or changes the subject, they may be showing they’re no longer interested in a flirty conversation.
Accepting “no” gracefully can help maintain a safe and respectful environment for everyone. If you feel unsure about signals, politely check in:
“I noticed you seem a bit uncomfortable—would you rather we talk about something else?”
Flirting Through Texts and Social Media
Digital flirting—like sending DMs, memes, or emojis—can be a fun way to express interest. However, it comes with its own set of considerations:
- Ask before escalating: Before sending flirtier messages or photos, get a sense of whether the other person is okay with it.
- Respect time and boundaries: Just because someone is online doesn’t mean they’re available for conversation. Double-texting or continuously messaging when someone hasn’t replied can feel overwhelming.
- Avoid unwanted content: Never send explicit content (photos, videos, or texts) without the other person’s clear, enthusiastic consent. Unsolicited explicit messages cross boundaries and can be deeply uncomfortable.
The Power of Communication
When flirting, talking openly about comfort levels can enhance mutual understanding and connection. Communication fosters safety for everyone involved. Simple statements or questions such as:
- “Does this make you feel comfortable?”
- “Let me know if I’m overstepping.”
- “Is it okay if I tell you something a bit more personal?”
These invite open dialogue and offer an easy way out for the other person if they need it.
“The process of flirting allows a person to signal interest in small increments, and enables both parties to gauge the interest level of the other. Flirting is driven by emotions and instinct rather than by logical thought. Yet profound information is transmitted in flirting—the gestures and movements used in flirting may provide reliable clues to a person’s biological and psychological health.”- Psychology Today
Note in the quote above, BOTH PARTIES are involved flirting, meaning BOTH people need to be freely wanting, enthusiastic and willing. The definition of flirting requires consent. This can be given verbally, and/or with facial expressions and body language. At the Dragonfly Centre, we say that consent is as easy as FRIES which is a visual acronym used to show the five main parts of true consent. All of these components need to be fulfilled in order for someone to give their consent.
As we kick off Teen Dating Violence Awareness month, our team encourages you to be mindful as you engage in interpersonal conversations and interactions and remember that friendliness can exist without flirting but the line can be crossed without obtaining consent. Flirting is very specific: a social interaction loaded with dual meaning for the purpose of suggesting a sexual or romantic context. It needs to be consensual for BOTH parties and should be a positive experience.
Teens remember to have fun, be safe and most of all ask for consent before flirting with someone!