Understanding Child Sexual Abuse – Responding to Disclosures
Read Part 1 of Understanding Child Sexual Abuse
The process of disclosure doesn’t always happen the way we expect. It is rarely a clear or linear story; instead, children often share what happened a little at a time. They may “test the waters” by giving small bits of information, gauging reactions, or using vague or indirect language such as “A friend of mine…” or “I don’t like going there anymore.” Some might ask hypothetical questions like “What if someone…?” or request to stay somewhere else without explaining why.
In fact, research shows that around 75% of disclosures happen accidentally, and many children delay or only partially disclose their experiences at first. After disclosing, about one in five children may take back what they said, known as recanting, not because the abuse didn’t occur, but because of fear, shame, or seeing the reactions and consequences of telling. Most children who recant later reaffirm that the abuse happened, often in adulthood. Throughout this process, it’s crucial for the person hearing the disclosure to remain calm, believe the child, and offer reassurance that they are heard, supported, and not to blame.
When a child discloses sexual abuse, it can be an emotional and overwhelming moment for the adult hearing it. However, your response plays a vital role in shaping how safe the child feels and whether they continue to seek help. The most important thing you can do is remain calm and create a safe, private, and comfortable space for the child to speak. Even if you feel shocked, angry, or heartbroken, take a deep breath and reassure the child that what happened was not their fault, that they did the right thing by telling you, and that their safety is your priority.
As mentioned above, children often test the safety of a disclosure by sharing small pieces of information at first. They may watch your reaction closely to decide whether it’s safe to continue. Respond gently and without judgment. Simple, affirming messages such as “I believe you,” “It’s not your fault,” and “You did the right thing by telling me” can be deeply powerful. Avoid prying for more details or asking investigative questions, this can cause further distress and may interfere with formal investigations. Your role is to listen, not investigate. Silence is okay, give the child space to find their words, and mirror their language when referring to people, body parts, or experiences.
Being empathetic means listening with compassion, allowing the child to express themselves freely, and acknowledging their feelings without minimizing or questioning them. If you become emotional, you can explain your reaction calmly, so the child knows it’s not their fault, for example: “I’m crying because I’m sad that someone hurt you, not because you told me.”
Being empowering means giving the child and their non-offending caregivers as much control as possible. Let them decide who else they want to share their story with (beyond the legal requirement to report) and explain clearly what will happen next so they aren’t left in uncertainty. Avoid making promises you may not be able to keep, such as guaranteeing specific outcomes, since unfulfilled promises can lead to feelings of betrayal or mistrust.
Maintaining professional knowledge is also critical. Know the limits of confidentiality and explain them in clear, age-appropriate language before or during the conversation. Let the child know that while what they tell you will be kept private as much as possible, some information must be shared to keep them safe.
Finally, remember that physical comfort should always be on the child’s terms. Even a gentle hug can be overwhelming for some survivors. Ask first if they would like any form of physical reassurance and respect their response completely.
You don’t need to be perfect when responding to a disclosure, what matters most is being calm, kind, and supportive. Providing safety, empathy, and reassurance helps the child begin to rebuild trust and reinforces that they are believed, valued, and not to blame.
Reporting
We all share a collective responsibility to protect children from harm. In Alberta, the Child, Youth and Family Enhancement Act makes it a legal requirement for anyone who has reasonable grounds to believe that a child or youth is, or may be, in need of intervention to report their concern. This is known as mandatory reporting. It applies to all forms of abuse or neglect, including physical, sexual, emotional, and exposure to family violence.
You do not need to be certain that abuse has occurred before making a report. “Reasonable Grounds” means that, based on what you’ve seen, heard, or been told, an average person using normal and honest judgment would suspect that a child may need help. This might be the result of a child’s disclosure, concerning signs or behaviours, or even a strong gut feeling that something isn’t right. You don’t need all the details, what matters is that you act on your concern quickly. Do not wait days or weeks. You can make a report 24 hours a day by calling Alberta’s Child Abuse Helpline at 1-800-387-5437 (KIDS), or if a child is in immediate danger, call 911.
Reporting to Children’s Services is a legal responsibility. While Children’s Services may involve police when necessary, survivors and families should be supported to make choices about engaging with the criminal justice system in a way that feels safe for them.
This can sometimes be difficult for adults to understand, but it’s important to respect the survivor’s autonomy and readiness. Children’s Services will involve police, RCMP, or Tribal/Band police when necessary, during their investigation.
It’s also important to remember that you do not need anyone’s permission to make a report. You are not responsible for investigating or confirming the details, that’s the role of trained investigators. Your role is to report your concerns and remain a supportive, trusting adult in the child’s life.
Choosing to report can feel intimidating, but it is one of the most powerful ways to protect a child. Failing to report can unintentionally send harmful messages, that the child’s safety isn’t worth the effort, or that the person who hurt them is more valued than they are. Reporting, on the other hand, sends a clear message that every child’s safety, well-being, and future truly matter. It is an act of care, courage, and community responsibility.
Resources and Supports
If you ever feel unsure, confused, or overwhelmed about making a report or responding to a disclosure, you don’t have to navigate it alone. The Dragonfly Centre is here to support you. Our team can offer guidance and information about the reporting process, as well as practical advice and emotional support for handling disclosures. Through our support person programming, we can also help you understand next steps, care for yourself and the child involved, and ensure that safety and compassion remain at the centre of your response.
If you are outside of the area or need immediate assistance, additional supports are available. In Canada, you can contact Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868) for confidential support, or reach out to your local Child and Family Services agency or police non-emergency line to report concerns.
Child sexual abuse is a difficult but vital topic to understand. By learning how abuse happens, recognizing the signs, and responding with empathy and care, adults play a crucial role in protecting children and supporting their healing. Every child deserves to grow up feeling safe, valued, and believed. If you suspect abuse or a child has disclosed to you, reaching out for help is an act of protection, not accusation. Together, through awareness, education, and compassion, we can help ensure that every child is protected, heard, and given the opportunity to heal.